"Hot and bothered!" For most people these words create images of being twisted up in sheets, breathlessly reaching out to the one you love. For those with chronic illness, however, "hot" is more likely to refer to one's thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high. "Bothered. . ." Well, let's just say when your body aches, everything makes you feel bothered: a cat that won't move off your leg, a joint that continues to throb, and a husband that is able to snore through minor earthquakes. It can be hard to be romantic!
You may be surprised to know that nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S.A. That means a whole lot of marriages have a third bed partner called "illness"--including mental illness too. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages that include illness end in divorce. Valentine's Day romance is a year-round requirement to keep the communication and joy going in your relationship.
So! How do you get the spark back? Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, "I love you."
Make an effort. Stop with the excuses. "I'm tired, I don't feel good. I am in so much pain." I've said them all. Guess what? You'll probably always be tired. Put on some music, sit back and relax. You're in pain? If you can push past some of the physical pain you'll soon be distracted and forget at least a good part of it.
Make romance a priority. That means not spending the whole Saturday cleaning your house and then being exhausted. Rest up, even if it's just so you can have a conversation without falling asleep.
Be enthusiastic during your romantic evening. Even if you're just going out for dinner, don't say, "I'm doing this just for you. I don't really feel like it." (Oh, yeah, that will turn him on.) Smile and talk about pleasant memories or dreams you have. Promise yourself not to talk about your illness for just one night.
Even if you don't have the gift of writing poetry, do something that tells your spouse how much you appreciate him. Cover a page with sentences of things you appreciate and love using different colored markers. Make up a mini-photo albumn.
Think of all of the thing you notice your spouse does that is never done with complaint and write them down with a bit thank you at the bottom. Does he take out the garbage, get you medicine in the middle of the night, bathe your child without complaint, or even clean out the litter box? Write these out or type tehm in fun fonts as something for him to treasure.
Women, let's get real. Regardless of your weight, get over feeling self-conscious and buy some underwear from a store that doesn't also sell tires.
Text message him something daring or outrageously romantic that you would have said when you first fell in love. Back before text-messaging existed.
Make up coupons for something he would like but wouldn't typically splurge on for himself. For example, "Good for 5 guilt-free hours of going fishing with the guys." Don't make him feel guilty whenever he wants to do something you can participate in (like going for a bike ride or on a roller coaster.)
Perfect marriages will never exist, but a even a marriage that has an illness can be a huge blessing and not just a state of survival. Romance comes in many ways. I remember loving my husband more than ever the night I couldn't not move because of a rheumatoid arthritis flare. I "slept" sitting on the couch and he spent the night on the floor beside the couch to comfort me every time I screamed from the pain.
Love comes in many forms. One of the books I've bought all the couples in my life is "Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Emerson Eggerichs. Men often feel loved when they are respected, women want to feel loved. Usually we are offering our spouse what we wan't, not what they need. Being aware of all of the little things we do each day that give one another love and respect, add up to romance when you least expect it.
About the Author:
Receive 40 pages of "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" by Lisa Copen when you sign up for HopeNotes chronic illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the director of Invisible Illness Awareness Week
1 comments:
I think, Ask your teen how to use that text message feature on your cell phone and send him a message that will make him look twice at who sent it to him! Go for it and be romantic, especially if it's the kind of thing you'd never usually do or say.
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